I can't

As a mom, you are supposed to accept and love your child no matter what. It's a rule. But I can't.

I want to take away that part of her. It would be easier, for her and also for us and our family.
But who would she be? If she could talk about all the things I know she's imagining. If she could explain what she means when she acts a certain way or she could tell me she had a bad day at school or that someone was nice to her.
But she can't.
I don't even know if she understands if someone is being nice or trying to help her. Does she even know the difference? Is it better that she doesn't, especially in the future.
The future. How I fear the future.
What will she be able to do and how much will she be able to learn. What school will she be able to go to? I don't even know how to think past a certain point. Because it is too scary.
The future is frightening.
One day when she's all grown up or maybe even later someone will find out what causes the problems she is having, something I probably did or something I exposed her to, when that time comes I am .... I am ....
I already want to go back in time and do everything I can to avoid this...
any theory I will follow.
But I can't do that, I can't change it.
I can't change anything.