Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Halloween

I am really not loving all the Halloween pics posted right now.  I wanted to say so on Facebook but I didn't know if it would be too depressing.  I figured out why Halloween sucks so much for me. It's because I've always been pretending to be something I'm not and I'm sick of it.  Ever since I was younger i
pretended to be religious, pretended to be the perfect daughter.  Appearances seemed to matter so much to my parents.
What will people think?

So now Halloween I I'm doing it all over again!
I feel like I have to pretend like I don't have a daughter who has Autism... Who doesn't want to dress up and can't handle the changes in routine that come with stupid holidays .  A Dumb Holiday that means nothing but giving out candy.
Am I doing the same thing to my kids? making them dress up and Do stupid things that make no sense.
All in the name of some sort of tradition?
I hate having to pretend my kid is normal and dreading every second of her not behaving like that.
Why should I care how she behaves in front of people anyway, they are total strangers?
but it's been built into me sometime, maybe it's a religion or the culture here maybe it's just every one's evolutionary need to be in a group.
So, in the end Holidays suck and next year I think I will forget it is Halloween.  Except I know that I won't...sigh....